restless

|| I found this post that I'd written for another blog over a year ago and thought that it was pretty good so I thought I'd share it again here ||


Melancholy. Dictionary.com defines it as a gloomy state of mind or sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness. Unfortunately it's been a word that has perfectly described my mood lately.

While trying to figure out why I've been in this mood lately, I've been picking my way through a book that I picked up months ago but just haven't really got into, called Restless by Jennie Allen. It came recommended to me as a perfect book for a college age girl, so I thought "what the heck" and picked it up. A few months later and I finally made it past the halfway mark... not that it hasn't been a good one, but my heart hasn't been in it. So why am I rambling about this book? Well, as I've been in this mood one of the triggers for it (at least a conclusion that my pensiveness has brought me to) has been the feeling of a lack of purpose.

When you're somewhere new and around new people it's easy to feel drained and second guess the confident decisions you made months ago.

That's where the book Restless comes in. On page 122, Jennie writes:

"Let's start with what we can know. We know our mission is to know God and make him known. We know at least a glimpse of the story of God through Scripture. We know we are to love, without warrant, every person God puts in our paths. And we know we are to love God more than all of that. You'll remember that though we may not know God's specific, detailed will for us, 99 percent of being in the will of God is being wholly willing to be in the will of God.. Life is too short to spend much time worrying about where on this planet you should be. As Jim Elliott, the great martyr missionary said, 'Wherever you are, be all there.'"

Perspective has become a sort of "life word" for me in the past few years. And I find that my mood shifts dramatically when I have lost my perspective, and that's a dangerous thing. When things happen that we don't quite expect, the easiest thing to do and the thing that we most quickly do as humans is doubt God's purpose for us. But what if we are still in His purpose, it's just a different one than we originally expected?

What if His purpose for us is not exactly what we picked out and chose, but one that is painted with a much broader paintbrush... like bringing those around us to His light and love?

A few pages later in the book, Jennie writes: "Are you set in the places you are in because that is the most strategic place for you to preach the gospel? Let me tell you what happens when you start to think that way. Everything changes."

Elsewhere in the book she talks about having your personal "Africa" (as in your own mission field, maybe not actually going to Africa). Reading this made me pause and think. It's easy for us to get caught up in ourselves as we plan out our lives and what our next move is school wise, career wise or relationship wise. But as much as God uses those things for His glory, the ultimate purpose of those is not to fulfill us but to further His kingdom.

So if you're feeling a little lost as to what your next move is or what your purpose is, take a moment to stop and consider why God might have you there. He had Joseph placed in jail for a while and that ultimately brought redemption and love to a nation. He had Paul placed in jail and that brought many joy and knowledge through the documents that he wrote there. He had Esther placed in a palace with a stranger for a husband, and brought a nation peace through this. He can use you in the same way.

Don't get caught up in your own idea of a purpose driven life without stopping to consider whether it's a purpose that will get blown away in the wind, or if it's a purpose that is in line with God's great commission. A career, schooling and relationships are all great things, but they aren't the be-all and end-all of life. Love is.