a letter - to guys (part 2)

 

You go talk to your friends

talk to my friends

talk to me

- We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, T. Swift 

To guys,

Last time we talked about the "f" word - feelings. And about how girls are generally guided more by feelings than guys (who are generally guided more by logic). This time, we're talking about girl friends. Not girlfriends... girl friends. As in, the group of girls that your girl hangs out with and shares everything with. 

As a girl, the thought of having a friend or two that i share everything with didn't seem like an odd thing. i'm definitely guilty of screenshotting a conversation that i'm having with someone and sending it to friends for their input. But i didn't think i had to feel guilty about that until i was talking with some guy friends a few months back. 

One of them (guy #1) was complaining about how another friend (guy #2) had told his girlfriend he loved her (or "dropped the L bomb" as we now affectionately say) and guy #1's girlfriend knew because of a text to a group chat (and told him) before guy #2 was able to share it in person with his friends. He was frustrated at how the girls communicated the information to each other so freely and quickly.

Guys... you have to understand: not only are we girls feelers, but we're also over-thinkers. A super intensely annoying combination. And because we're over-thinkers we look for advice and input from others. Now, hopefully this is from a close, tight-knit group of friends, otherwise that is not a super healthy situation, but either way, we reach out and talk things through. That's just how we process.*

We don't do it to undermine our relationships. We actually do it (hopefully) to strengthen them. We gather intel and wisdom and talk things through so that we know what our next step should be or what the best next step should be. So what sometimes looks like girls in a group gossiping, is actually the opposite. It's an attempt to avoid gossip and make the best choices.

Ok, i do need to clarify. i think this is actually a healthy thing - gathering opinions and talking through decisions - but obviously there is a point where this becomes destructive. i think that there are things that need to stay between the two of you in a relationships. But i think those things are clear. And i think that a girl knows where the line is (for the most part... if you're in a healthy relationship). If this is something that you're concerned about though, talk to her! Clearly, we love to talk about stuff! 

_______________

*Ladies, obviously this is a stereotype. Please don't get mad if you don't fall under this category!