why singleness isn't a curse

If you have grown up in the church, then you have probably heard Jeremiah 29:11, the verse that talks about God’s plans for you to have a good and prosperous future, about a million times. If you haven’t been around the church for a long time, i wouldn’t be surprised if you had seen this verse plastered all over graduation cards or heard a Christian you know quote this when someone is faced with a tough situation. i think this verse is a beautiful one, but I also think that it is overused. It’s a classic human scenario: we focus on a few words in the Bible that we can use in a multitude of situations. We look at the most encouraging verses and forget about some parts that may not be as nice and encouraging.

In the verses leading up to Jeremiah 29:11, God is laying out His plans for the people that He has exiled. Instead of just plunking them down in an evil city and leaving them to think about what they have done for the next 70 years, God actually has a plan for His people. He tells them in verses four to seven to settle into Babylon and live their lives; to build houses and work the land; to have kids and grow their families. Did you get that? He tells them to settle in and continue to live their lives. Even though this isn’t where they thought they would be God still wanted the Israelites to continue on and trust Him. He tells them what He wants them to do while they’re in exile, and then verse 10-11 come into play: “This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV).

So what do i think this has to do with the “gift of singleness?” i think that we need to remember that even when we feel like we are in exile – or if we’re being a little less dramatic, even when we feel like we should be in a relationship – God has a good plan for us. i love the way John Mark Comer puts his thoughts on the “gift of singleness” into words in his book Loveology: “Do you have the calling and ability from God to live single in order to serve God in a great capacity? Make sure you get that last part. For followers of Jesus, the point of singleness isn’t freedom from responsibility. It’s freedom for more responsibility. Paul thinks it’s great if you stay single. At the end of the chapter he says he think it’s “better” than marriage… to Paul, the point of singleness is to serve God in ways you can’t if you’re married.”

That last part is the part that always catches me a little off balance and makes me rethink this whole “gift” thing. Make sure you really digest what he’s trying to say. “The point of singleness is to serve God in ways you can’t if you’re married.” Just like God had a plan for his people in exile, He has a plan for us single ladies (and men) and it’s a plan that is one that can only be fulfilled in this context – the context of singleness.

Do you wonder “if God can do anything, why can’t He give me the husband i’ve been praying for for all these years? Heck, i’m not even looking to get married right now, but a relationship would be nice!” or something along those lines? i think that it’s a little inkling of doubt that Satan loves to use on us single ladies. i mean, i obviously need a husband to be happy, and God wants me happy, so why hasn’t He given me a husband? Put that way it seems shallow, but i think that if we are all honest, those doubts have crept into our minds from time to time.

What John Mark is trying to say, and what Paul writes about in his letter to the Corinthians, is that we have a purpose that we can only complete when we are single. We may not ever know what that purpose is, just like the Israelites were probably confused at why God had brought them all the way into exile in Babylon just to tell them to build houses and have kids, but if we are truly committed to trusting God, then we need to trust that He has a purpose for this “gift.” Yes, God could just give us what we want, namely a relationship/husband/puppy/whatever, with the snap of His fingers, but being the omniscient God that He is, He can see every step that we take and knows exactly the ones that we should take. To quote the great C.S. Lewis once again, “I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait.”

Instead of seeing singleness as a wall, we need to see it as a door. A door that we can open if we want to, that will lead to opportunities that we can’t even imagine. Singleness doesn’t limit us, it expands our horizons. You might be single for four months, for four years or until the day you die, so why not take every day as it comes and do your best with the time that God has given you here. Our lack of relationship status doesn’t give us an excuse to slack off when it comes to following His Word, so don’t ever use it as an excuse. Use it as an encouragement to step out in faith and do things that you thought you would be brave enough to do.